"No" Seth screeches again. This time there is no obvious reason. I lift him up- my arms have gotten stronger as he's grown- and breathe deeply before calmly asking him (once again) what the matter is. This happens so very often throughout the day lately- the breakdowns interspersed with the joy and wonder of this little being. We've been battling teething pain and the frustrations that accompany toddlerhood. He wants to do everything, yet he can't. He wants independence, and yet he afraid of it too. Aren't we all?My patience level seems to correspond closely with my sleep patterns, which have not exactly been ideal. Aside from that, though, I have found that the times I get most frusterated are when I'm interrupted from something else I'm doing- or when I'm trying to focus on more than one thing at once. I long to be a pillar of calm and peace in Seth' life, never yielding to frustration. I want to respond to everything with love and gentle discipline, but sometimes I feel my peace slipping. Okay yeah- sometimes it completely flies out the window and I break down right along with him.
Peace is not something I feel often right now. I am always, always being pulled in multiple directions. I am mom and business owner. Working from home while raising children is... well, a bit crazy sometimes.
In the midst of it all, I am trying to make sure that I am truly present for my son when he needs me. While my work and home lives are so deeply intertwined, I am intentionally separating them when I can- taking some time to give each my undivided attention for a while, on a regular basis. Peace is not going to come naturally here, but I am learning to create it- to practice it and incorporate it into my home, my life, my parenting and my business. A huge part of this is being present in each moment. I am a planner, and I need organization to function, but I find that if I take it to an extreme and am constantly looking ahead or mentally reviewing my to-do list, I get anxious. So when I'm working, I'm working, and when I'm with my family, I try to put work out of my mind and focus on them. Then I no longer feel so pulled, so divided. I can handle each situation more calmly and rationally because I am not simultaneously trying to focus on something unrelated.
There is more peace everywhere in my world.