I want more of a rhythm to my daily life. Sometimes it feels so spastic. I'm not a totally structured person by nature. I like my freedom... but some level of structure and order is healthy.
Lately I have been a little overwhelmed by my life. It's nothing major, just normal everyday things.
For instance, Seth has woken up twice since I started typing this post. This happens pretty much every night, which is my working and "me" time. My creative spirit is really stifled by interruption, so having a little one who doesn't sleep well has been quite a challenge for me. It's also stifled by worry and clutter, so I guess that's why I've been in sort of a funk lately. I think I'm coming out of it though. I've been attacking the clutter, and realizing that the worry simply isn't worth my energy. If I force myself to start being creative, it flows out of me. But sometimes it's the starting that is hard. But if I don't, I don't feel complete. It's just who I am.
I miss having a deep connection to other creative souls. I think I have allowed some potentially awesome friendships to dwindle in the past, and that makes me sad. I am sort of introverted, and it takes an effort for me to reach out to people. But I do like people. I'm always glad when I make that effort. It just doesn't come as naturally to me as it does to some people. I guess I don't always allow people to see the true me very easily. Except online, apparently. When I'm writing, I seem to be much less inhibited. So if you would like to know Hannah, keep reading I guess... : ) By the way, do you read my blog? Who are you? I always write with the knowledge that anyone could read it, but I wonder who actually does...?
We got wonderful news today. One of Jackie's sister's is a 100% bone marrow match. 100%... that is just such a miracle to me. She is going to be getting the transplant within the next few weeks. It feels like the end is in sight now. My mother in law is one of the strongest women I know. She has been through so much already in this battle, and I can't wait to celebrate with her when she is finally cancer-free. We are all looking forward to that day. In the meantime, we might all be getting to know Tampa a bit. I've never been there, yet.
Seth is standing up well now, when he wants to at least, and climbing on everything. He is so active and smart and happy. I know I've said all these things many times before, but he really never ceases to amaze me.
Okay I made it to the end of the post without Seth waking up again... I have been taking pictures with my Pentax lately, and without a light meter, so I'm relying on my instinct for the correct exposure. So if any actually come out... I will post them when I get them processed. I love my film camera though. I love the sound of the shutter, and I love the rapid wind lever and feeling it pull the film over. It is so mechanical and tangible, not electronic, not digital, just.... raw.
I'm doing a session tomorrow, maybe I'll bring the film along too for fun.
Now I'm going to turn my computer off and work on that whole rhythm thing for a little while before going to bed. Maybe read or something.