I wish I had been even more active up until this point in my pregnancy, but I am planning on walking more and have been doing my prenatal yoga almost every day. It is so, so important to exercise during pregnancy; my midwife says that besides making for a healthier baby it can make labor much easier (and goodness knows I am an advocate of that!)I have spent most of the last six months kind of stressed, and while I have tried my best to relax and minimize the tension for the sake of the baby, I really wish I could have slowed down, and not had so much on my plate. The combination of work and taking two classes in school, while pregnant, has stretched me too far. I cannot count how many times I have broken down in exasperated tears (aided of course by the pregnancy hormones). After December 4th, when I turn in my last school paper, I am going to slow down and really be present in the last few months of my pregnancy. I want to allow myself to be prepared for motherhood, and I haven't devoted as much time to that as I would like to because of everything else that is going on. It has been so hard to focus on anything else anyway- it seems so natural to me to think almost constantly about the little person inside me... it kind of puts me in a funny daze- a very introspective and peaceful state. That state is what comes naturally to me right now. It makes me want to write and make things and go for longs walks and completely lose track of time and busyness. I have to force myself to remain responsible and on top of things, but I am craving the ability to just let go. I am so in love with my husband... there aren't even words for how deeply thankful I am for him, for our intense friendship. Yet I do wish for women to talk to, especially other young moms and moms-to-be. I rarely see any of my female friends anymore- most don't live nearby. I miss the mentoring, the advice and understanding between women. It is so strange not to have any friends that live close- I got so used to that when I was in college. Now it is just me and Manny. And I have discovered that I hate cell phones for the purpose of actual conversations (especially since most of the time I lose my connection several times and have to call the person back). I am hoping that after the baby is born I will meet other new moms that I can connect with.
If you just read all of that, I applaud you. Tomorrow I'll come back and read this and probably find that none of this really made sense and I probably shouldn't post public blog entries for all to see when I can barely keep my eyes open... goodnight!