Can I tell you something? I have been avoiding this blog a little bit this week. I've been ashamed, because since I wrote that post about making big health changes, I've only been running twice, and have not stuck to all of the guidelines of that diet I talked about. After my last attempt at running, I felt sore and drained for days. We're having sleep troubles with Seth, so I have been tired, and when I'm tired I get emotional. I've still been getting headaches almost daily.
Today I saw a doctor- an internist who approaches things more holistically than is typical, and uses a combination of natural remedies and "traditional" medicine. We talked about my history, my stress level, etc. etc. She encouraged regular yoga and meditation, more hydration, and light, non-jarring exercise, as well as a few blood tests.
As I was driving home after my appointment, I thought about how silly it is that I've been feeling ashamed about not being so steadfast and unwavering as I'd wanted to be. I'd been feeling like since I broadcasted it here on the internet and people had read it, that I had to stick to it. I tend to be extreme and all-or-nothing with things like this- I suppose its part of my personality. Rather than just easing in and making better choices with what I eat, maybe giving up a few things, I decide to go vegan and give up all processed foods and sugar all at once. Instead of adding more deliberate exercise into my life, I decide to take up running- something I know has always been difficult and joyless for me. Then, I beat myself up for not having more discipline with these things.
Here is the truth- I am not in a place where I need to- or should- be extreme and hard as nails right now. I need to let myself off the hook a little, to take it easy and be gentle and kind to myself.
So I'm approaching it in steps, and celebrating each one. I'm working on eliminating processed foods, I'm trying to avoid dairy because it seems to make me sick. I am going to get out and do active things I actually enjoy, and I am going to try to make yoga and meditation a part of my daily life again. Most of all, I am going to practice some self-kindness.
In the spirit of taking it easy, a few images from time by the water, from the most recent set of scans I got back from Richard Photo Lab.
Asahi Pentax Spotmatic, Kodak Portra 160NC and 400NC film