It has been a hard week around here. And by hard I mean wanting-to-pull-my-hair-out-using-concealer-to-cover-the-dark-circles-under-my-eyes-I-think-I-may-go-completely-crazy type of hard. Anyone who's is a parent knows what I am talking about.
I attribute a lot of it to the fact that Seth is in the process of cutting two, three, FOUR teeth right now and has been fussier and clingier than ever and waking about every hour at night. I have also been working hard during just about every free moment I get, and there still aren't enough of those moments and my to-do list is growing faster than I can check things off of it. I have also allowed myself to worry and get emotional over things that I have no control over.
Yes, that equipoise I seek has certainly eluded me lately. If you look up head case in the dictionary there might be a really unflattering picture of me there.
I know it isn't really as bad as I think. I know it will get better. But sometimes in the midst of it all I feel like I can't handle everything. I feel like if giving up were an option I would. But only for a moment. Then Seth says "mama" or grins his awesome goofy grin or just starts clapping for no apparent reason and it makes it not seem that bad at all.
I just hope that eventually I reach a point where I can effortlessly parent my child and run my business without feeling like I am losing my mind. A point where I can do that and have a clean house too, and even have a little bit of free time to nurture myself again. A point where I am in a place to give advice to other moms, to be helpful to someone instead of just grasping for some order in my own life. Eventually. Like, by the time Seth goes off to college...
Lovingly, exhaustedly yours,